A Nookie day

My eyes open to a bright white light. It's awful enough that I can only see shades of yellow and blue. Does that freakish thing a million miles over my head have to be so disconsiderate? Through all my wonderful fifteen years in this planet, the yellow ball has always been my morning enemy. I tried chasing it once. It stood umoved and unperturbed and unsympathetic. I should have realized that chasing the monster was a foolish task. It was, like I said, a million miles away. Hmm..I digress. My legs ache from all the mud running yesterday. I can barely stand - Easy now old boy - Yeah, nice and easy. Sniff and sniff again. No traces of canned meat yet. The human feeds me the same thing every day, with a slight change in diet every month. She thinks I'm too fat. Somebody should tell her the world is shaped like one of her rectangular ebay boxes. Bumbling idiot. Skin and bones I am, nothing more and a lot less.

I make my way up the wicked flight of stairs. The hunger is chipping away at my inner soul and I need the bloody can. Ah - The wonderful times of yore. I would run up the stairs and down again. And up. And down. The human would follow me and feed me those wonderful treats. The stairs were a source of affection and love then. They serve only a purpose of hunger satiation now. The human isn't in her room. I smell her torrid perfume and I smell her companion's too. So this is why she dissapeared last night. A rendezvous with another human. I am angry and I am a betrayed being. The human had taken all my love and given back an ounce. Just when the ratios were turning around owing to the human's unsuccessful mating attempts, the companion entered out of the blue. Quite literally - I am color blind you see. I digress again - The human must be found, and in a hurry.

Two hours pass and there is no sign of the human. I start to get worried even when I do not mean too. My natural emotions take control of me and possess my throat, resulting in an unwarranted deep howl. I blame my damn mother. She must have been a wolf like the legends of the past. I am not a straight breed, I'm quite positive about that certain fact. Howl deep and howl low, that should get some attention. The white one comes plodding down the stairs. "Nookie!" he shouts. I ignore the fool and continue howling. The only person I care about is the human and the howls will be answered. It always does. It may not be in a few hours, may not be in a few days, but it will be answered eventually. I haven't tried another technique because the howl has never, ever, failed me.

I trot up and down the living room full of the nasty ebay boxes. No wonder the brown one and the white one don't like this place. The human is quite messy and does not care an iota about her own house. I overhear the human arguing with the brown one quite often. The white one too. I do not blame them - the human has to get her act together if she wants to succeed in finding a mate. Yet, I am quite the old dying brain. The human did after all have a companion last night. And the companion took her away. I guess I will want the house in a rampant mess afterall. Fuck the brown one and fuck the white one.

I smell the torrid can. The human must have spoken to the brown one and informed him of her delayed arrival. The brown one shoddily scoops out the meat into my bowl. And sneers. You vile brown man. I hate your kind. You stamp on my tail on purpose and you throw liquid crystals on my face. You stare at my eyes for minutes on end and laugh when I ask for the door to be opened. You demand information and goods from my master and curse with the white one behind my master's back. And you do all this knowing there won't be any retaliation. I wish I had teeth and I wish I had my strong jaw back. I'd tear you open like an insignificant rat. And I will not have to eat canned meat for days. Damn you, vile one.

I sense my master's jeep - It's a few blocks away. The smile comes back and my heart is at peace. My darling human is back - the love of my life, the spirit of my soul. The keys clatter in the hole and the massive doors open wide. I look out with my tongue dripping clean and my tail wagging wild. I howl like the wind beneath the sea and I bark like a monk on fire. My master, the human, is back. She brushes past without a care in the world because the companion follows her. No loving look and no expected kiss. Zilch. Zero. Nada. The companion be cursed. The human race be damned. My head droops to an ungainely low and I fall back to sleep at the same spot where I awoke. Life has no meaning and love has no purpose. I am, after all, only a dog.

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