It’s nine o’clock on a saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Makin’ love to his tonic and gin
Sing us a song, you’re the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us feelin’ alright
La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
My My..Piano Man by Billy Joel. A great way to start your Sunday. I end Saturday with heavy metal and wake up Sunday to a Joel melody. Picture perfect. In other unrelated news, I was to have my impacted wisdom tooth extracted on Friday. I asked my awesome senior at the Charming Shoppes audit if I could have the day off and he relented. Incredible really, considering this is busy season. I made my beautiful co-workers (other "Staff") Jill and Sam laugh with my visualizations of agony, terror, and torture. I missed the paid Friday lunch at TGI Fridays. I bought three gallons of orange juice to sedate my stomach through a weekend of intense hunger. I walked into the dentists office expecting the worst. I came out with a bloody appointment card. Apparently the first visit is an evaluation. They told me what I already knew - Tooth No.17 was fucked up. Gee! Thanks Doc! I wasted a vacation day and you have prolonged my agony. What's worse is they recommend taking out the wisdom tooth directly above though that particular tooth has erupted from the gummy masses like an angel. I need sedation but had to choose plain old local anaesthesia because I will be a lone soldier. All my friends will be at work and my fucking landlady won't tag along. Nothing to do but dream of the future. Try this visualization for size:
I walk down Walnut street with my shiny white teeth. La da di da da. Hum a rythm, skip a beat. I'm like a child with a silver plate. Are you hungry for a little more than you've had before? La da di da da. I haven't eaten in five hours. Docs orders. I am now cynical and gentle, borderline sentimental. Advertising hoardings that promote toothpaste make me cry. Old women smile as they pass me by on the street. No teeth. I cry I cry I cry. It's windy, it's cold, it's a bloody awful day. I walk, pause, and walk again. Gay men hold hands in the city of brotherly love. Ghetto thugs play a "fitty". Pretty women and their lucky boyfriends stare into the moldy sky. Billy Joel - I am in the mood for a melody. La da di da da.
This must be the place. 1601 Walnut street. Morpheus can only show me the door. I will have to open it. Where the fuck is Morpheus anyway? A dimly lit corridor. The lights flicker and show me an enormous man. He must be the gatekeeper. I shudder and take two steps forward and one step back. Rythm and beat. "Dr. Anna Kornbrot". The gatekeeper motions me toward the metallic list. I scan through the names and find Anna. She is italicized - a variable that could show me the future. Input italics. Run regression analysis. Result: "Invalid scope". My lips turn concave. The gatekeeper motions me again. He points toward a massive door. A door that has a slit in the middle and a row of flashing lights above. I press a symbol that looks distinctively like the mathematical ^. The row of lights flicker and flash in a hurry. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. The final "ping" destroys my inner soul and I brace myself for an explosion. None noted. The mighty doors open at the slits and the row of lights turn silent. I enter and enthrall myself with the sexual analogy. Turn around. The gatekeeps points one finger to the heavens. The massive doors close on me, with me, outside me, and around me.
I am lifted into the heavens. Strange doors indeed - I was kept unaware of their gravity defying prowess. Blame the gatekeeper. Ping Ping Ping. A rythm and a beat. Nine pings to be precise. The final ping has me gasping for breath again. I am confounded for the second time with the lack of an explosion. It's just a sun rising. Bright white lighs welcome me to level nine. I am in heaven but it feels like hell. A pale stranger beckons me toward her. A woman with red horns that compliment her lusty blonde hair. She is delightfully frightening. "Read, write, and sign". Three simple tasks and I do not question her reasoning. I do what I am told to do. The pale stranger gets her sheets of paper back. She smiles and I smile. I fail to notice the evil glint in her eye. It's only when I see the other tormented human-people that I realize my final fears. This is not heaven. This is not hell. This is nowhere. This is a silent deserted place that nobody dares to talk about unless they wish for immediate death. This is the place that the myths told us of. A place where the sole purpose is to wipe out a human-person's smile. A smile! Let's reflect on that. Smiles heal the world. They bring only happiness to its recipient. They stop wars and promote peace. They reassure a lover. They make intimate moments come alive from the shadows. This is the place that takes away smiles. A place promoted by the government to fuel mass weaponization, wars, corporate greed, and ultimate destruction.
Take me away! Jesus Christ! Mohammad! Tom Cruise! Hulk Hogan! Help me! The doors are locked from the outside. There is no escape. My mind twirls around and there is no rythm and no beat. Spin and spin again. I fall into the arms of the pale stranger and I finally see the evil eyes. Black. Shallow. And a hint of yellow. Time passes by and I do not know it. I wake up to Anna in a hood. Green masks, green clothes, and green hair. I also see the black in her eyes and this time its far from pretty. Splashes of red give her the touch of evil and the black gives me the feeling of doom. Touch and feel. Skip a rythm and a beat. Chainsaws cut open my lips. Enormous drills chip away at my gums. I see blood everywhere. Streams of red run riot through the white floor. The stench of my simmering flesh makes me nauseous. Anna pulls out a dagger. My mouth is held open by titanium contraptions and I cannot move my jaw. It's probably broken anyway. I scream but nobody can hear me. The dagger is plunged into the recesses of my mouth and white shrapnel flies all around. Bits of my teeth. Pieces of my smile. Shattered. Never to come back. The dagger flies in again. And again. And again. Tears stream down my eyes but I receive no consolation. The black eyes bounce wild with laughter. Anna keeps at the torture and I fall into a deep sleep. My mind has given up and I am better off dead.
Time flies. I wake up in a sudden beat and find myself within the mighty doors again. I smell a mix of bile and the remnants of the little food I had before my journey into neverland. I gag and feel the doors move along with gravity, through the heavens, through hell, and finally onto dry land. The gatekeeper picks me up and flings me onto the street. I crawl my way to the yellow moving machines and make my slow way home. I've lost my smile and gained evil. I have become them. I wonder how many of us live our painful smile-free lives. We do not think of the future. Our only job is to bring other innocents to the gatekeeper. We live on the happiness of the innocents. We bring them fresh and happy and return them destroyed and smile-free. There is no reality.
©Govind Mohan – http://govindmika.blogspot.com. All rights reserved.
